Paper and Writing

I have never been big on writing. I honestly have never liked to write unless it is my poetry and actually no one ever reads it not even my husband. It is an outlet for me, sort of my own little corner I go and set in. I am glad that we are done with the paper and I am always glad when I am done writing any paper when I have to do one. I am not good at doing them in my own opinion, but am always re-leaved when they are done. I know I will never physically be able to totally ever avoid writing all together it is part of the every day to day world and pretty much we are all stuck with it weather we like it or not.   

A realization

I have really enjoyed having this blog to be able to go to and vent. It is nice when there is a comment to read or maybe a helpful hint or statement to help me threw a problem I have been having. I admit that I have not always been going and reading or even commenting on other blogs. I do try to at least go and try and help or give helping advise to maybe brighten someones day.

This week I have had not only a physical brake down but also a mental and spiritual. I have been literally stuck in my bed for the past 2 weeks to the point I can not even walk to do something we all take for granted every day just to be able to get up and go to the bathroom with out having to be carried, or even to be able to take a shower and get dressed. If I did not have my husband I do not know what I would do.

I went in with my husband to work yesterday and went and talked to the Navy Chaplin for this area and believe me he has to take care of over 3 states by himself that is a major task for him to have to do every week. I think finally in years I feel like I might be finally headed on the path that was intended for me to be following for years. I have let God back in my life and I had not realized until we were together talking and praying yesterday that my life had no meaning before that and that is why I had and have been in this slump and down in the dumps for the last 6 plus years. I do not know how I let my self go a stray. I do know know what I was thinking or what was going threw my head during these years. I know for at least 8 years because that is how old my daughter is I have listened to my mother and father preach at me that I need to not only get god in there life's but it was there responsibility as god parents. I feel that I have failed my children in many ways.

I know that it has only been a day but I have made a promise to myself and to god to try and live each day as I should in gods eyes. I know I am human and not perfect but that is why god is there he is not there to judge but to love you and help you threw times of need and joys in your day to day life.

I do need him and I need to find a way to let go of this pain I have everyday and to let god help me threw these trying times. I pray that he will show me the way and to help me let go of the pain I have and to give me the strength to better my children, husband, my live and spiritually. I just wish I would have done this years a go and let myself free of all that I have been needing to let go of and put into the lords hands, because he is there and he does work in ways we will never truly understand.

If I am not the only one out there and I know I am not that needs to be inspired again I hope this has helped you in a way.

God Bless 

Last 6 weeks

The last six weeks I have been working on compiling information about fibromyalgia. This topic for me has helped me a lot. I am glad I chose to do this topic. I am hoping what I have learned will help me in trying to figure out how to cope with the pain I have day in and day out. I have also been in contact with a nurse from John Hopkins that will be helping me change most of my doctors to get better help with dealing with fibromyalgia. I am hoping to be able to get a new pain doctor that is willing to help me, because my current pain doctor wont. It is really frustrating because everyone is pulling me all different ways including my husband about the treatment I get. I do not understand how I am suppose to do physical therapy but when I do it puts me in severe pain. Last week I tried to clean the house and it put me in bed for 4 days. I feel like I am trying to swim but all I do is drowned.